Germany: Week 2 Post Jet Lag

Two weeks in and we've conquered jet lag, house hunting, eating out in public PROPERLY (yes, there's a right and wrong way to eat a pizza here), driving the autobahn, getting a ticket off the autobahn [cue eye roll], and found an asian store to bridge the food gap for our filipino necessities. It's been so overwhelmingly busy and wonderful in the last 14 plus days. There's two parts of this experience that needs to be factored in here: The, "I left America and yes, I know this is a different country" and the military side; the side that actually is my constant currently. I truly thought that being a Navy brat would have prepared me for this transition, but being the parent and the wife of the service member makes me realize that our military mommies really took the wrap for all of us. From the in-processing chaos to the "keeping the peace at home" when in reality we haven't had a home of our own for the last 98 days. I've grown accustomed to washing laundry the same way we eat; everyday. I've done some shameful things as a minimalist such as, take more than enough salt and pepper packets from the food court just so I don't have to buy another shaker of salt and pepper, I've hid my complimentary coffee packets (with to-go mugs and lids) so that our housekeeper would give us more while we're still living "free" here in TLF, and last but not least, I realize I have acquired a very large haul of *sigh*.... hotel toiletries from all our stays at hotels and Inns since I've moved out. I'm not proud of it, but I justify this questionable action with, "it's for my guests I plan to over the next three years." So, for all you tentative visitors, know that you will have quality guestroom toiletries from across the country, literally. On the real, it's been so much fun here in Germany. Last weekend, our new friends invited us to our first German festival called, "The Festival of Pigs" or better known to the natives here as, Saubrennerkirmes in a town called Wittlich. The story behind it all is just so funny, you just have to read about it yourself. Anyways, I realize there's a few things Germany does right: 1. Recycling 2. Respect 3. Rest Yes, recycling. Duuuuuuude. It's crazy intense here, like, you'll get fined for having trash separated improperly crazy here. I'm not gonna go into it here, but if you are interested for whatever reasons, leave a comment and i'll put something together in detail. Respect. We need more of this back home. Everyone here respects everyone, from their neighbor to their cats (don't run them over [cats] you'll get fined for leaving a mess). As an American, we're so self-involved that I don't think we notice it when it's happening. We're spoiled with unlimited data and access to the internet so easily that we don't really take the time to notice the things and people around us. We just got our cell phones this week and we're only given 2GB, TWO GIGABITS MAN.... per month. So yeah, I don't use it unless it's completely necessary. Wifi's the thing here and sharing with a thousand people gets pretty challenging momentarily. But where was I, ah, respect! Yes, everyone seems to acknowledge each other no matter at what awkward distance they may be. It just doesn't happen here [the awkward stare that turns into regret instantaneously but you need to commit to the eye contact so you don't seem rude, glance]. Germans are great hand shakers. You feel their generosity in their firm yet kind grips. They are blunt, but kind. Efficient yet patient, and altogether good people and I feel honored to live among them. This leads to my last point of priority: Rest. They have set times for quiet time which is every day from 6-8 morning and night and all day Sunday. If America actually set time aside to rest, I feel, in my opinion, we would be more...harmonious. Lol! That's just my opinion. Anyways, kids awake and flying imaginary airplanes around me so I better close out. For all of our family and friends back home, I'm sorry you haven't recieved personal text messages or emails yet. Still working on settling in. Thank you for being so patient. We do miss you all so very much. So here's to Friday; Happy Friday everyone!!

Germany Day 1

It's been so surreal. I can't begin to describe the excitement and enthusiasm I have for breathing in European air. I've dreamed of always traveling the world. I never thought it would be this way. I've picked up my life and just decided to change everything about and it hasn't stopped changing since 2013. I am so grateful for this life God has given and although it's nearly midnight here, I feel only the afternoon drowsiness of 3pm PST. I've meet so many amazing people just trying to get here. A few mere mortals following their dreamers, and others dreaming of living an immortal life here in Ramstein. It's amazing what hope can do. It's transformative. It's such a positive rush of energy that even the most jaded soul feels awaken by the scenic view filled with fifty shades of green, mixed with robust character and thriving vigor. Despite having travelled with more luggage than my husband and I combined can carry, plus our 1.5 year old son (who slept soundly through all the layovers and long flights) we made it safely and soundly to our destination. But this is just the beginning. Oh the plans we have, the sights we'll see, the people we'll meet and more importantly the people we will become. May we be more kind, more receptive, more loving, more understanding, and wiser through our shared experiences from now until furthermore.

Blurp 2013.

It's December 27, 2013. This year went by like a blur. But if I'm completely honest, it's what I wanted. A year and a day ago today, I got engaged to the love of my life. Reading up on my past blogs, I've wandered and waited my whole life for this moment: to find "The one". And he's right here beside me. We "celebrated" our one year engagement anniversary yesterday (more like lounged on the couch cause we are so damn tired. lol!) But what I realized looking back on this year, (because that's what we do best when we reach the end of something) I acknowledged that I wanted this year to fly by so that I may start all over again. I've been bitter most of this year. Yes, bitter. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't at anyone(s) directly, but truth be told. I was a little bitter betty. You see, a year and a day ago today was the happiest day of my life. I met my amazingly, loving, and patient husband and best friend 27 days before, and got engaged the day after Christmas...yet, I was unable to shout it from the rooftops because socially speaking among my of circle of friends, it was too soon to be in another relationship. Granted, I would agree with them. But! When the heart calls, you answer. I am..err...was a relationship girl. I needed to be in deep rooted relationships to bring out the best in me because I was unable to see the best in myself. Yes, I said it. I was codependent on relationships to make me feel complete. Guilty. Anyways, super short story shorter (literally) I kept my engagement a secret till PJ was able to properly ask my rents for my hand in marriage, which didn't really happen till January 11, 2013. Essentially, as social media would have it, I posted my big news on Instagram and received opposite reactions from some of my closest friends. It broke my heart, but I told myself I understood. But I didn't really. In the end I felt that my friends rejected my happiness and therefore ruined my "big night" and ultimately had a lonely wedding. Don't get me wrong, I had an AWESOME and small wedding ceremony. Hit up the court house on March 15th, 2013 and that evening had a fun little shindig at the W Hotel in Downtown San Diego. But during my cocktail reception, I noticed majority of the people in attendance were not my friends although I was the one who resided in San Diego. Most of our guests were PJ's family and friends from his past and present. My heart broke just a little bit more. I understood then that I just wanted acceptance from my friends. And because I didn't receive it, I went through the rest of this year jaded. I moved all the way out with my husband to the middle of no where thinking I could start fresh and anew, but I brought my baggage. Like an old maid I ruined my first married year. Gladly, my amazing husband has given me all the time to come to terms with that and find closure on my own with him patiently waiting on the side. So, here I am, at the close of this year finally willing to admit that I Amanda Tadiarca Liwanag have spent 2013 a bitter, pregnant Betty. But something has changed. My son has changed my heart.He's beautiful, and strong, and healthy and I want so much more for him than what I've been sharing these past few months. I want him to know it ok to feel let down, just don't stay down. It's ok to be hurt and to have friends who say no to you, but don't keep friends that reject you for who you are. It's ok to let go some of them. In fact, it might even be healthy. It's not ok to stay bitter because essentially, it's your heart thats rotting away. Not the other persons. And lastly, love with all your heart, trust slowly and forgive always. 2013, you can suck it. You sucked anyways and I'm tired of looking back and trying to figure out where I went wrong cause I didn't. No, I'm not in denial. I'm finally learning to see that this is simply where God has led me. I needed to go through that because we are continually growing as people and we must produce actions that show that. I haven't. And I'm not proud of it, but I'm finally taking a stand for myself and for my family. I can't let others dictate how I should feel or who I should be. So I want to go into 2014 with this: Forgive me if I've wronged you, but I'm not the same person I was yesterday. I make no apology after this but I wish you all the best in life and I hope nothing short of amazing for you all. I now make decisions based on the well-being of my beautiful and loving family and if it conflicts with your opinion, then...*shrug* oh well. That's life. It's opinionated and relentless and I want to live it intentionally without distractions. Come at me 2014. I'm ready.

"Flashback Vengeance"

This weekend I wandered into the streets of Normal Height’s ritual event called the Adam’s Ave Unplugged. The event featured 170 live musical performances staged inside or around, more than 30 restaurants and bars that lined the neighborhood. By the time I found parking, I was too hungry to be walking 2 miles worth my curiosity.

Altogether, it was a really fun experience [once I fed myself]. Vic and I walked in and out of some interesting stores. We eventually found ourselves drawn by the sound of this girl with a soothing, but deep voice coming out of Lestat’s so we went in, sat down through majority of her set and to my surprise, I REALLY enjoyed it! Jessica Bell is the name [sorry I can’t provide any videos or songs for you. She’s really underground material]. Her lyrics were like Jason Maraz met Ingrid Michaelson- very melodic and relatable all in one. One of her songs was talking about “Memories.” The ones that you remember but they don’t have any significant meaning other than the fact that they were experiences you had and will continue to do so throughout time. I woke up to that thought this morning after doing my devotions and I read Proverbs 24: 17-18 “Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath.” And the first person I thought of after reading this was [the name(s) that shall not be named]. And I thought about how I really felt about these….people. And let’s be honest. I’m not their biggest fan. [Shrug]. It happens. [Please hold the stones till after the blog]. But the feelings or thoughts I have towards them cannot and will never justify me as a person. I’m not going to say, “I’m better than that..” cause honestly, I’m not…..hell, YOU’RE NOT! (yeah, I threw that one in there to make myself feel less of a horrible person. Thanks). But if I read the verse right, its basically saying that wishing vengeance upon a person just displaces God’s wrath upon them and probably onto you. “Let not thine heart be glad when he [she] stumbleth: Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath.” Here we are in situational drama where someone has hurt us, and they hurt us bad. Maybe to them, they don’t give a rat’s ass, but to you, it was the world. Maybe it still is. Over time they become this “memory” that Jessica speaks of. But the thing is, wishing or glorying in other people’s discomfort does not and will not make your life any better than theirs. Shoot if anything, the more we wish someone negativity, the higher and higher the chances are that it’s just ricocheting of their shiny, bright, lives and back onto us; we just shoot ourselves in the foot. God says, bless them that curse you, love them that hate you-forgive 70x70 [somehow this equals eternity. I don’t get that math equation]. But live truthfully; allow yourself to recognize the pain and hurt you have, but don’t project onto others. Live your live well, live it right, and live it for others. Before you know it, you won’t even notice the other person that took up the enormous amount of mental space you had reserved for them. Yes, a happy life is a person’s greatest revenge, but a TRULY, HAPPY life needs no revenge at all. Think about that…. -Tin

COACHELLA!!!

Waddup guys, it’s been way too long since I’ve last spilt my heart out. It’s been a crazy few weeks. I feel like things are starting to blend together, and that’s never a good thing in my book. It’s times like these I can truly appreciate the solitude I’m imprisoned in for the next few hours. It can be calming…currently, it’s not. Lol! One can only hope for so much. I’m just looking forward to this weekend. It’s my mini vacation from reality. LITERALLY. I have the privilege to attend America’s BIGGEST musical festivial!! COACHELLA!!!!

For those who don’t know what Coachella is, it is a “multi-day annual music and arts festival, organized by Goldenvoice (a subsidiary of AEG Live) and held at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California, in the Inland Empire's Coachella Valley. The event features many genres of music including rock, indie, Hip Hop and electronic music as well as large sculptural art. The event has several stages/tents set-up throughout the grounds, each playing live music continuously.” Its two weeks long, but I’m only going for the first weekend. I do have obligations for those who suspect I just play and Facebook all day [WAIT. actually…that IS all I do all day. *shrug*] Nonetheless, it pays the bills, I shall not complain (unless a professor keeps me here for over an hour and a half after I clock out, then you will not hear the end of it. That’s a promise. [A thousand apologize to Dan who has to listen to my petty bullshit all day]. Getting back on track, COACHELLA!!! I feel honored that I get to go. I’ve been planning on going for the last three years, but… let’s be honest, I’m a little bitch. It is what it is.I didn’t have the balls to roll up to this festival by myself, UNTIL NOW! Yeee. That’s right. I’M ROLLIN SOLO [YOLO!] Stag; uno mas, by my lonesome and IDGAF how it looks. Life waits for no man (or woman). “Am I scared?!” Hell effing yes! I ain’t no Sasha Fierce, but I’ll make sure I drink enough 5 hour energy to hype myself up and throw myself into a crowd of new-aged hippies and do questionable things (one of which is not showering for a day or so) in order to gain some fair-weather friends for a weekend. Hey, who knows! Maybe they’ll stand beside me at my wedding some 50 years down the road. Tickets originally sell at $335. 0_o But it’s worth every penny. Think of Woodstock, or Burning man…BUT BIGGER! I’m roughin it out hipster style. Got my backpacking gear ready, tent, mobile shower, and groovy accessories! I even made fairy wings and I’m dying my hair red for a whole weekend! [Stand by for pictures.]

But the point in all this isn’t to make a statement, it’s for my self-liberation. We all somehow end up in this rut after a high point in life and it can get pretty obfuscating. Once in a while, it’s permissible to allow ourselves to break out of our shells and let loose. So here’s to self-expression. May we all learn to love ourselves, daily and never forget how awesome life is, especially if we have something and someone to live for. And there you have it... Till next month home skillets. DUECES! -Tin

Intentional Living

It’s early; 9:00am. To be exact. I do my morning ritual: role over to the right to check my phone to see if I got any messages [there’s usually none, it’s a little disheartening], check my social platforms because I’m honest and I know you all do it too, then roll onto my back and take a deep breathe and tell myself “today’s going to be a good day.” It might sound depressing but truthfully, it’s refreshing. I’m bipolar so, any inkling of offset in my heart and mind can really throw my day off. I’m a very intentional being; I purpose to do things and I’ve been doing this for the last year (yes, another recent development in my latter part of my escaping youth).

I wake up intentionally checking on others because I care. I genuinely care and pray for the people I count “close friends and family.” More often than naught, we forget why we do what we do, why it is we feel the way we feel, why we keep or stray away from the things and people near or far to our hearts.

This morning, I was saddened by the fact that an old “close friend” defriended me. [Yes, judge if you may that I let Facebook nip at my heart.] I spent two years valuing this persons friendship, two years investing in him, his interests, his business and work pleasures, and the like. (come to think of it, I spent many years repetitively doing this for one too many people.) And in one instance, he throws me away, like a candy wrapper. I watched this gentlemen struggle, strive, dream, fail, and I stood by him all the way (till of course he took me for granted). I deemed him, “worthy” of my friendship and counted him at one point, my best friend. (Yes, it seems like I have a lot of those, but only one or two have actually reciprocated, and that’s fine. “Can’t win ‘em all.”) We went our separate ways because his dreams didn’t entail any deliberation of what I would have wanted. Hence, our current status of: “Unfriends.”

Long story short, we agreed to stay friends on Facebook because we figured, “we’re cool peeps, maybe we could be friends again when we’re not such douchebags to each other.” I thought that the time to reconcile was nearing, but NEGATIVE! I wake up with denied access to his page, twitter, and blogger. THAT, my friend takes some serious effort to go on EVERY SINGLE social media platform that you utilize and “unfriend” me from all of them. [I just realize, I sound stalkerish, but he’s a musician so I know he appreciated it, especially with all the clientele I sent his way.] But get this, I can see that he greets MY MOTHER, my friends, and even posts things in reference to me here and there. So why the snip snip,dude? raised and furrowed brow.

So I share this with you in hopes that you guys ask yourself today, “Am I that friend that relapsed into acquaintancy? “ If your answer is “yes,” then proceed to ask yourself, “Do I care?” And if the answer is, no, well…then shrug for me and continue on your merry life. At least I gave you your single serving for the day. But if the original answer is, “No, I know I’m not an acquaintance status with my homies” then good job and make sure you seal that deal by sending them smiley faced texts or something. But I urge all of you, LIVE ON PURPOSE. Live knowing that once you’ve invested your life in someone, you can’t recapture those hours to use again on someone else so be real. Real isn’t how you are made, it’s a thing that happens to you. But when you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.

BOOM. Done. Good day.

-Mandypants

[I wish I could write this fast in regards to my 10-page paper that’s due in about 2 hours…lol!]

The Beauty of Grace.

“The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” –Victor Hugo

Many of us will look back on our lives and agree with the idea that the friendships that hurt us the most molded us into the people we are today. I have loved and lost, and I’m not just talking about relationships- I’m talking about friendships. I believe that losing a friend is the greatest loss of all losses because it’s as if you (or the other person) decided at one point in each other's lives that you or they were no longer valuable enough to keep. Therefore, you or they decided it was best to let go altogether.
But friendships are not about what you get, it’s about what you give; the bond of commitment you extend to the other person. You see, in the end, you don’t hold your commitments; your commitments hold you. The commitments we make are like magnets: they pull us toward each other. In friendship, commitments means being there for someone even when it’s NOT convenient. Granted, sometimes the other person can be hard to love, but love them intentionally (regardless of the way they might have treated you in the past or present). Your reaction is their lifeline back to grace and goodness.
As many of you know, a couple of my friends have created a bucket list that is numbered to however old we will be turning. So for me, I will be turning the big “2-5” this June and I have 25 small (but great!) plans to still accomplish till then. One of the significant goals on my list was to “repair a past relationship (#24).” When I initially scripted these words, I did not have anyone in mind because I felt that in my past, I have severed more relationships/ friendships than I was able to create. So here I was with the daunting question of, “where do I start? Who do I start with?” It was actually very overwhelming, seeing as I’m a very passive soul and I cry at the thought of confrontation (I really do). But God knew.
So a month after I made my list, a situation arose where I had to front an “ex-friend/acquaintance” about a life style that was hazardous to be around. I consulted friends and family about what I should do and more often than not, their reaction was, “drop her like its hot.” (No, seriously, that’s what they said). But ONE person challenged me to love her HARD- pray for patience but continue to stand by her. So I did. Long story short, a few weeks later she came to me not quite apologizing but confessed that “losing you [me] once was hard enough, I don’t want to lose you [yours truly] again.” Mind you, this was while I was completing #18: “Run a marathon” so if I wasn’t out of breathe by then, I was now. But see what I’m saying? It might take a couple of years for forgiveness and redemption to sink in, but IT. WILL. COME. I guarantee that. Shoot, I CHALLENGE you to test me. YEAH. “Come at me, brah!” [lol! Thanks Dan.] That’s right. I dare you- wait. I DOUBLE, dog, dare you. Shoot! I “WWJD” you!

So take this is my declaration of commitment. You extend your hand, I'll super glue it to mine. If that's something you don't want, I advise you not to give me high fives.

Life is too short to go on bitterly and fearfully. I have come a looooooooooonnng ass way and I am looking forward to the road ahead. In repairing the old, I’ve also been blessed to acquire new friends too! These people make up a third of who I am today. I love them with all my ventricles and other cardiac muscles and more.
So here’s to you, my old and new friends- I owe you my life, my happiness and my redeeming future. Happy President’s Day!!