"Flashback Vengeance"

This weekend I wandered into the streets of Normal Height’s ritual event called the Adam’s Ave Unplugged. The event featured 170 live musical performances staged inside or around, more than 30 restaurants and bars that lined the neighborhood. By the time I found parking, I was too hungry to be walking 2 miles worth my curiosity.

Altogether, it was a really fun experience [once I fed myself]. Vic and I walked in and out of some interesting stores. We eventually found ourselves drawn by the sound of this girl with a soothing, but deep voice coming out of Lestat’s so we went in, sat down through majority of her set and to my surprise, I REALLY enjoyed it! Jessica Bell is the name [sorry I can’t provide any videos or songs for you. She’s really underground material]. Her lyrics were like Jason Maraz met Ingrid Michaelson- very melodic and relatable all in one. One of her songs was talking about “Memories.” The ones that you remember but they don’t have any significant meaning other than the fact that they were experiences you had and will continue to do so throughout time. I woke up to that thought this morning after doing my devotions and I read Proverbs 24: 17-18 “Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath.” And the first person I thought of after reading this was [the name(s) that shall not be named]. And I thought about how I really felt about these….people. And let’s be honest. I’m not their biggest fan. [Shrug]. It happens. [Please hold the stones till after the blog]. But the feelings or thoughts I have towards them cannot and will never justify me as a person. I’m not going to say, “I’m better than that..” cause honestly, I’m not…..hell, YOU’RE NOT! (yeah, I threw that one in there to make myself feel less of a horrible person. Thanks). But if I read the verse right, its basically saying that wishing vengeance upon a person just displaces God’s wrath upon them and probably onto you. “Let not thine heart be glad when he [she] stumbleth: Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath.” Here we are in situational drama where someone has hurt us, and they hurt us bad. Maybe to them, they don’t give a rat’s ass, but to you, it was the world. Maybe it still is. Over time they become this “memory” that Jessica speaks of. But the thing is, wishing or glorying in other people’s discomfort does not and will not make your life any better than theirs. Shoot if anything, the more we wish someone negativity, the higher and higher the chances are that it’s just ricocheting of their shiny, bright, lives and back onto us; we just shoot ourselves in the foot. God says, bless them that curse you, love them that hate you-forgive 70x70 [somehow this equals eternity. I don’t get that math equation]. But live truthfully; allow yourself to recognize the pain and hurt you have, but don’t project onto others. Live your live well, live it right, and live it for others. Before you know it, you won’t even notice the other person that took up the enormous amount of mental space you had reserved for them. Yes, a happy life is a person’s greatest revenge, but a TRULY, HAPPY life needs no revenge at all. Think about that…. -Tin

COACHELLA!!!

Waddup guys, it’s been way too long since I’ve last spilt my heart out. It’s been a crazy few weeks. I feel like things are starting to blend together, and that’s never a good thing in my book. It’s times like these I can truly appreciate the solitude I’m imprisoned in for the next few hours. It can be calming…currently, it’s not. Lol! One can only hope for so much. I’m just looking forward to this weekend. It’s my mini vacation from reality. LITERALLY. I have the privilege to attend America’s BIGGEST musical festivial!! COACHELLA!!!!

For those who don’t know what Coachella is, it is a “multi-day annual music and arts festival, organized by Goldenvoice (a subsidiary of AEG Live) and held at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California, in the Inland Empire's Coachella Valley. The event features many genres of music including rock, indie, Hip Hop and electronic music as well as large sculptural art. The event has several stages/tents set-up throughout the grounds, each playing live music continuously.” Its two weeks long, but I’m only going for the first weekend. I do have obligations for those who suspect I just play and Facebook all day [WAIT. actually…that IS all I do all day. *shrug*] Nonetheless, it pays the bills, I shall not complain (unless a professor keeps me here for over an hour and a half after I clock out, then you will not hear the end of it. That’s a promise. [A thousand apologize to Dan who has to listen to my petty bullshit all day]. Getting back on track, COACHELLA!!! I feel honored that I get to go. I’ve been planning on going for the last three years, but… let’s be honest, I’m a little bitch. It is what it is.I didn’t have the balls to roll up to this festival by myself, UNTIL NOW! Yeee. That’s right. I’M ROLLIN SOLO [YOLO!] Stag; uno mas, by my lonesome and IDGAF how it looks. Life waits for no man (or woman). “Am I scared?!” Hell effing yes! I ain’t no Sasha Fierce, but I’ll make sure I drink enough 5 hour energy to hype myself up and throw myself into a crowd of new-aged hippies and do questionable things (one of which is not showering for a day or so) in order to gain some fair-weather friends for a weekend. Hey, who knows! Maybe they’ll stand beside me at my wedding some 50 years down the road. Tickets originally sell at $335. 0_o But it’s worth every penny. Think of Woodstock, or Burning man…BUT BIGGER! I’m roughin it out hipster style. Got my backpacking gear ready, tent, mobile shower, and groovy accessories! I even made fairy wings and I’m dying my hair red for a whole weekend! [Stand by for pictures.]

But the point in all this isn’t to make a statement, it’s for my self-liberation. We all somehow end up in this rut after a high point in life and it can get pretty obfuscating. Once in a while, it’s permissible to allow ourselves to break out of our shells and let loose. So here’s to self-expression. May we all learn to love ourselves, daily and never forget how awesome life is, especially if we have something and someone to live for. And there you have it... Till next month home skillets. DUECES! -Tin

Intentional Living

It’s early; 9:00am. To be exact. I do my morning ritual: role over to the right to check my phone to see if I got any messages [there’s usually none, it’s a little disheartening], check my social platforms because I’m honest and I know you all do it too, then roll onto my back and take a deep breathe and tell myself “today’s going to be a good day.” It might sound depressing but truthfully, it’s refreshing. I’m bipolar so, any inkling of offset in my heart and mind can really throw my day off. I’m a very intentional being; I purpose to do things and I’ve been doing this for the last year (yes, another recent development in my latter part of my escaping youth).

I wake up intentionally checking on others because I care. I genuinely care and pray for the people I count “close friends and family.” More often than naught, we forget why we do what we do, why it is we feel the way we feel, why we keep or stray away from the things and people near or far to our hearts.

This morning, I was saddened by the fact that an old “close friend” defriended me. [Yes, judge if you may that I let Facebook nip at my heart.] I spent two years valuing this persons friendship, two years investing in him, his interests, his business and work pleasures, and the like. (come to think of it, I spent many years repetitively doing this for one too many people.) And in one instance, he throws me away, like a candy wrapper. I watched this gentlemen struggle, strive, dream, fail, and I stood by him all the way (till of course he took me for granted). I deemed him, “worthy” of my friendship and counted him at one point, my best friend. (Yes, it seems like I have a lot of those, but only one or two have actually reciprocated, and that’s fine. “Can’t win ‘em all.”) We went our separate ways because his dreams didn’t entail any deliberation of what I would have wanted. Hence, our current status of: “Unfriends.”

Long story short, we agreed to stay friends on Facebook because we figured, “we’re cool peeps, maybe we could be friends again when we’re not such douchebags to each other.” I thought that the time to reconcile was nearing, but NEGATIVE! I wake up with denied access to his page, twitter, and blogger. THAT, my friend takes some serious effort to go on EVERY SINGLE social media platform that you utilize and “unfriend” me from all of them. [I just realize, I sound stalkerish, but he’s a musician so I know he appreciated it, especially with all the clientele I sent his way.] But get this, I can see that he greets MY MOTHER, my friends, and even posts things in reference to me here and there. So why the snip snip,dude? raised and furrowed brow.

So I share this with you in hopes that you guys ask yourself today, “Am I that friend that relapsed into acquaintancy? “ If your answer is “yes,” then proceed to ask yourself, “Do I care?” And if the answer is, no, well…then shrug for me and continue on your merry life. At least I gave you your single serving for the day. But if the original answer is, “No, I know I’m not an acquaintance status with my homies” then good job and make sure you seal that deal by sending them smiley faced texts or something. But I urge all of you, LIVE ON PURPOSE. Live knowing that once you’ve invested your life in someone, you can’t recapture those hours to use again on someone else so be real. Real isn’t how you are made, it’s a thing that happens to you. But when you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.

BOOM. Done. Good day.

-Mandypants

[I wish I could write this fast in regards to my 10-page paper that’s due in about 2 hours…lol!]

The Beauty of Grace.

“The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” –Victor Hugo

Many of us will look back on our lives and agree with the idea that the friendships that hurt us the most molded us into the people we are today. I have loved and lost, and I’m not just talking about relationships- I’m talking about friendships. I believe that losing a friend is the greatest loss of all losses because it’s as if you (or the other person) decided at one point in each other's lives that you or they were no longer valuable enough to keep. Therefore, you or they decided it was best to let go altogether.
But friendships are not about what you get, it’s about what you give; the bond of commitment you extend to the other person. You see, in the end, you don’t hold your commitments; your commitments hold you. The commitments we make are like magnets: they pull us toward each other. In friendship, commitments means being there for someone even when it’s NOT convenient. Granted, sometimes the other person can be hard to love, but love them intentionally (regardless of the way they might have treated you in the past or present). Your reaction is their lifeline back to grace and goodness.
As many of you know, a couple of my friends have created a bucket list that is numbered to however old we will be turning. So for me, I will be turning the big “2-5” this June and I have 25 small (but great!) plans to still accomplish till then. One of the significant goals on my list was to “repair a past relationship (#24).” When I initially scripted these words, I did not have anyone in mind because I felt that in my past, I have severed more relationships/ friendships than I was able to create. So here I was with the daunting question of, “where do I start? Who do I start with?” It was actually very overwhelming, seeing as I’m a very passive soul and I cry at the thought of confrontation (I really do). But God knew.
So a month after I made my list, a situation arose where I had to front an “ex-friend/acquaintance” about a life style that was hazardous to be around. I consulted friends and family about what I should do and more often than not, their reaction was, “drop her like its hot.” (No, seriously, that’s what they said). But ONE person challenged me to love her HARD- pray for patience but continue to stand by her. So I did. Long story short, a few weeks later she came to me not quite apologizing but confessed that “losing you [me] once was hard enough, I don’t want to lose you [yours truly] again.” Mind you, this was while I was completing #18: “Run a marathon” so if I wasn’t out of breathe by then, I was now. But see what I’m saying? It might take a couple of years for forgiveness and redemption to sink in, but IT. WILL. COME. I guarantee that. Shoot, I CHALLENGE you to test me. YEAH. “Come at me, brah!” [lol! Thanks Dan.] That’s right. I dare you- wait. I DOUBLE, dog, dare you. Shoot! I “WWJD” you!

So take this is my declaration of commitment. You extend your hand, I'll super glue it to mine. If that's something you don't want, I advise you not to give me high fives.

Life is too short to go on bitterly and fearfully. I have come a looooooooooonnng ass way and I am looking forward to the road ahead. In repairing the old, I’ve also been blessed to acquire new friends too! These people make up a third of who I am today. I love them with all my ventricles and other cardiac muscles and more.
So here’s to you, my old and new friends- I owe you my life, my happiness and my redeeming future. Happy President’s Day!!